General Information-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: Kuroi shōko  (Kanji:黒い礁湖) Black Lagoon

Family: Shadow Melee
Type: Enhancement

Fullbring---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Note: is replaced with Ascended Form once aquired.


[/b]Ascended Form[/b]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Replaces Fullbring when obtained. Only obtained by fullbringers who posses the augment "Ascended Form".

Appearance: His final form is a full set of black clad armour. Once again, it does not cover his face. A big difference is that instead of a sword, his gauntlets are black and white that are used in hand to hand combat. There is detail in the armor itself, but is hard to see since it is a very dark black. When he uses 'Summon Thy Blade' His sword and sheath appear on his back

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Ability: His ability enhances his strength for melee attacks. His attacks can be regulated to be more powerful than his speed. When he choses, he can punch with a lot of force, but for a moment his speed his hindered and not as good. Its likewise for his speed. His bringer light technique (HSM) allows him to move a bit faster than it normally would. This does not plus 1 his weapon skill or HSM

Techs: (can only have up to 7 techs unless a tech pack is purchased. Please use template below)

Name: Nata no burēdo o shōkan
Description: Translating to Summon Thy Blade, This allows him to summon his dark blade. It appears on his back in its normal position in the sheath
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration: Whole Topic
Cooldown: Has to wait one topic excluding the one its used in before it can be summoned again.

Name: Kōun
Description: Meaning Godspeed, allows Shinji to move 1-3 times faster than bringer light depending on his injuries and condition. Normally used for getaways, taking out enemies quickly or trying to get to places fast. Each movement takes up 1 HSM.
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration: 4 movements (Deactivates automatically after 10 posts)
Cooldown: 10 posts

Name: Omegapawāpanchi!
Description: This attack is 5 times more powerful and fast as his normal punches, as it can devastate small mountains if punched in the right place. (It takes advantage of his gauntlets power) It is possible to create a fairly small (earth) quake if Shinji aims it to the ground. It can get slightly more powerful if he prepares the punch. Each preparation post sightly increases its power
Preparation Time: Depends on how many posts are sacrificed for preparing the punch. (1 to 10 limit)
Duration: 2 posts or 2 punches consecutively (right after each other)
Cooldown: 5 posts

Name: Kurai kikku!
Description: This kick can make people is about 2 times more powerful than his normal kicks. Depending on the opponent, it could have no effect or could shatter every bone and organ in the effected area.
Preparation Time: (Put N/A if there is none)
Duration: 2 kicks or 2 spread apart attacks
Cooldown: 4 posts

Name: Tamashī panchi
Description: This being the most powerful and devastating attacks in his arsenal. Translating to Ultimate Punch, it sacrifices the left arm temporarily rendering it completely useless It can take out an equally or lower classed opponent. It can be blocked, but it has a very high chance of breaking or destroying what its blocked by. This attack disables his left arm until the end of the topic, or until its recovered by a healer. 5 posts for a healer to recover the arm and make it be usable. To heal completely it takes 10 posts for this process.
Preparation Time: 1 Posts
Duration: 1 Punch
Cooldown: You have to wait until the start of the next topic to use it once more.

Name: Konagona ni suraisu shi (Only can be used with his dark blade)
Description: Meaning Sliced to pieces, it allows him to uses his blade and scatter into multiple parts using his fullbring power (No its not a billion shards like Senbon Sakura Kageyoshi!) and strike at the enemy. it can also be used to block multiple attacks. It splits into 100 small pieces, and is controlled by hand movements. Depending on the use of this, the blade could reform damaged or dulled. If used to attack for all posts, it will come back dulled, if used to block attacks, it will come out damaged, weakening the blades integrity. After this is used 4 times, the blade will break apart after its next swing, then dissipates into reiatsu and goes back to Shinji.
Preparation Time: (Put N/A if there is none)
Duration:4 attacks, or 8 posts (It can be out for 8 posts until it automatically reverts to back to the sword.) or 4 blocks
Cooldown: 3 posts

Name: 10-Bai ni
Description: Meaning tenfold, it allows him to focus all of his energy in to a single part of his body amplifying its power, by tenfold. This can be used on any muscled area of his body. Its generally a finisher move. He can use this to amplify his sword swing aswell.
Preparation Time: (Put N/A if there is none)
Duration: 2 consecutive attack, or 2 spread apart attacks
Cooldown: 10 posts

https://bleacheoe.rpg-board.net/f25-exp-exchange

Do your EXP Exchange so I know which one I have to grade, your Fullbring or Ascended form.

So, before we go any further, let's start with the fact that Ascended Form replaces the Fullbring.

That said, let's continue.

Quote :

His final form is a full set of black clad armour. Once again, it does not cover his face. A big difference is that instead of a sword, his gauntlets are black and white that are used in hand to hand combat.

Increase the description length to a paragraph if you can.

Quote :

His ability is very similar, and it affects his speed and power much more than it did previously. He can now change it with in seconds and it primairly affect his gauntlets letting him attack with alot of speed and or force.

This is exceedingly vague. What do you mean by its affecting speed and power? Does it increase direct speed? Agility? Reflexes? How does it do so? What is meant by 'power?' How much are each increased? Can you provide a relative scale or comparison?

Quote :

Name: Nata no burēdo o shōkan
Description: Translating to Summon Thy Blade, This allows him to summon his dark blade once more and use it in battle with his previous blade tech skills.
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration:15 posts
Cooldown: 10 posts

Okay, so before we look at anything else, I'm going to assume that 'previous blade tech skills' are counted under the 'Fullbring' up top. Well, because you can only have Ascended Form, I'm going to have to ask you to either bring some of those techs down here or remove the bolded. Though actually, I have to question why you don't simply make this your ability or a part of your ability depending on how you change/lengthen it?

Quote :

Name: Kōun
Description: Meaning Godspeed, allows Shinji to move at extremely high speeds for a short amount of time. Normally used for getaways, taking out enemies quickly or trying to get to places fast.
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration: 5 posts
Cooldown: 8 posts

Define 'extremely high speeds' for me, if you do not mind. Depending on what you say, I might have to ask you to modify duration/cooldown.

Quote :

Name: Omegapawāpanchi!
Description: This attack is a very powerful and fast punch that can devastate small mountains if punched in the right place. (It takes advantage of his gauntlets power) It is possible to create a fairly small (earth) quake if Shinji aims it to the ground.
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration: 2 posts or 2 punches consecutively
Cooldown: 5 posts

Same problem: how much is his strength increased for the duration of these punches? On that note, if it is a situation of a 'concentrated' punch, then I would recommend you placing a preparation post.

Quote :

Name: Kurai kikku!
Description: This kick can make people go flying at high speeds and is hard to block because of its speed and power.
Preparation Time: (Put N/A if there is none)
Duration: 2 kicks or 2 spread apart attacks
Cooldown: 4 posts

Same theme as before. How much power is behind this kick? Can you provide a relative scale or perhaps an example of injury sustained if the hit is direct? 'Going flying' is an extremely vague power level. What HSM mastery would be required to dodge this, since it's going at 'high speeds?'

Quote :

Name: Tamashī panchi
Description: This being the most powerful and devastating attacks in his arsenal. Translating to Ultimate Punch, it uses ever soul of his being and puts all of that energy into his fist, for one insanely deadly attack. This attack disables his left arm until the end of the fight, or until its recovered by a healer.
Preparation Time: 1 Posts
Duration: 1 Punch
Cooldown: You have to wait until the start of the next topic to use it once more.

Okay, same theme. How much damage is this technique capable of producing on a direct hit? By 'disabled' I'm assuming that the arm is completely useless, which is fine and let's you have more power into the attack, but what is getting to me here is this: how much healing does it take to bring the arm back online? Look at the Healing Kido under Shinigami Augments and perhaps base the amount of healing off of that? Like, is it possible to heal the 'damage' in mid-battle with enough posts?

Shinji wrote:

Ability: His ability enhances his strength for melee attacks. His attacks can be regulated to be more powerful than his speed. When he choses, he can punch with a lot of force, but for a moment his speed his hindered and not as good. Its likewise for his speed. His bringer light technique (HSM) allows him to move a bit faster than it normally would.

Just a note; this will not give you a +1 in HSM or Weapon Skill or anything like that. It will just put you at the higher end of the spectrum in the respective masteries.

Shinji wrote:

Name: Nata no burēdo o shōkan
Description: Translating to Summon Thy Blade, This allows him to summon his dark blade. It appears on his back in its normal position in the sheath
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration: Whole Topic
Cooldown: Has to wait one topic excluding the one its used in before it can be summoned again.

Why not just make this a regular tech with a duration and cooldown? Would probably serve you better. Let's say...6 Duration and 5 CD?

Shinji wrote:

Name: Kōun
Description: Meaning Godspeed, allows Shinji to move 1-3 times faster than bringer light depending on his condition. (Beginning of the fight he will be 3 times faster, and around the middle to end depending on the situation could be 1 to 2 times faster) for a short amount of time. Normally used for getaways, taking out enemies quickly or trying to get to places fast. Each movement takes up 1 HSM.
Preparation Time: N/A
Duration: 4 movements (Deactivates automatically after 10 posts)
Cooldown: 10 posts

I'd rather see this based on injuries sustained as opposed to fight duration, or re-phrase it to say how many turns in the fight must have passed.

Shinji wrote:

Name: Tamashī panchi
Description: This being the most powerful and devastating attacks in his arsenal. Translating to Ultimate Punch, it sacrifices the left arm temporarily rendering it completely useless It can take out an equally or lower classed opponent. It can be blocked, but it has a very high chance of breaking or destroying what its blocked by. This attack disables his left arm until the end of the topic, or until its recovered by a healer. It takes an average Reiatsu skill and 5 posts for a healer to recover the arm and make it be usable. To heal completely it takes expert Reiatsu to make it as effective as possible. It takes 10 posts for this process.
Preparation Time: 1 Posts
Duration: 1 Punch
Cooldown: You have to wait until the start of the next topic to use it once more.

Remove the highlighted. No need for all that really. What is going on here that makes this punch so powerful? From what I'm seeing here it also sounds like a one shot one kill kind of thing. What's the survivability odds on this thing?

Shinji wrote:

Name: Konagona ni suraisu shi (Only can be used with his dark blade)
Description: Meaning Sliced to pieces, it allows him to uses his blade and scatter into multiple parts using his fullbring power (No its not a billion shards like Senbon Sakura Kageyoshi!) and strike at the enemy. it can also be used to block multiple attacks. It splits into 100 small pieces, and is controlled by hand movements.
Preparation Time: (Put N/A if there is none)
Duration:4 attacks, or 8 posts (It can be out for 8 posts until it automatically reverts to back to the sword.) or 4 blocks
Cooldown: 3 posts

I am genuinely on the fence about this one. I'll allow it if this also means the end for your blade (meaning the blade's CD time kicks in).

Granted.